Fun In The Sun, Finally . . .

Well, these pictures were taken before we got our traditional spring snow storm.  Everything is covered in snow right now, April 18th, but it will melt within a few days, I'm sure.  Before this, we had weeks of beautiful, warmer, sunny weather, with almost all the snow gone.  Boy did we take advantage!  Seriously - parks, walks, exploring, more parks, playing outside, etc.  Every day!

It is so exciting getting outside and playing - minus all the winter bundling- once spring rolls around.  The pics above are from a very fun "adventure" we took on the bike path near the lake a couple weeks ago.  (Anytime we go exploring/walking - not to a park - the kids call it an adventure.  On this walk, we happened to find a park too.  And of course, once we were as far away from the car as we were going to get - about 15 or 20 minutes - Anna informed me that she needed to go potty. :) 

This is a different day at Ohio Street park - our FAV! - and it was warm enough that they wanted their sweatshirts off too.  Anna looks upset, but really they are both just taking a little rest and having a snack...and squinting because of the bright, beautiful sunshine.  We were at the park for over two hours that day.  Yay!!! 

This is Caleb J's first walk.  He loved it, and pretty much loves being outdoors.  Although, I'm wondering if he has allergies because Caleb always sounds stuffy if he's spent much time outside, or if the windows are open during the day.  We'll see.  (And my mom isn't trying to hide from the camera, she was just getting something out of the basket.  hehe)  The second pic above is brother/sister play time.  And the one below is big brother/little brother play time.  Sweetness!

These few of Mr. Caber-bottoms are simply to show his adorable growth and chub, because he hasn't been featured much in my last few posts.  hehe. Enjoy the pics!  Now, onto a little update on each of us. . .

Anna Banana - Anna recently had her ballet recital pictures taken and they turned out so precious!  See HERE.  (Scroll over to the group shot, and then her three individual ones are a few past that.)  So, I realized that day that I need some MAJOR practice doing Anna's hair before the recital.  In my defense, I didn't have any hairspray...and the hair is supposed to be in a tight bun...even if you have really short hair like Anna! Luckily, it doesn't show in the pics.  So, Anna is getting a little burnt out with Ballet practice, but LOVES the idea of her recital.  (Although she always comes home from her weekly practice excited and happy she went.)  She keeps asking to take Karate lessons next, so this may be a one year experience for her.  (Which I am totally fine with. This has been such a fun, adorable experience for her though. :) 

Anna has been getting positive feedback from her school teacher about her reading skills.  I know I should be more involved in this, but it's been busy around here.  (We read to her all the time, and help her sound things out during the day when she shows interest. . . so it's not like I'm not doing anything.  :)  Anna's ability to sound out words, and the beginning of reading has kind of snuck up on me.  What a pleasant surprise!  Going in to this school year, she knew all of her letter and a few sounds they made.  Well, during a walk we took back in February-ish, something was written on the sidewalk and Anna wanted to know what it said.  I wasn't close enough yet to see it, so she sounded it out on her own and said, "I think it says 'Russ'."  Yep, she was right.  Awesome!  She sounds words out all the time now.  Reading opens up a whole new world to kids, and I'm happy that Anna is having a good experience with it so far.  So fun.  So exciting.
 
Anna has been writing sweet notes and drawing awesome pictures for people - parents, friends, grandparents, classmates, teachers, etc.  All.  The.  Time.  When they're for her "sweet, sweet momma," she either hides them for me to find - always brightens my day - or just gives them to me and wants me to decorate my room with them.  Sweetness!

Anna has been doing a lot of dress up play, and she usually wants to put on "The Anna Show" once she's dressed up.  (Singing, dancing, tricks, jokes, acrobatics, etc.)  Whenever she says that, or performs one for us, it reminds me how much she's been pushed to the side lately, as the oldest child.  It makes me a little sad, although it seems like it's just the natural way of things.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, used to be focused on just Anna Bean 100% of the time. . . until she was 2 1/2 and Ben-Ben came along.  Ethan and I try to be aware of this and work in alone time with each of the kiddos on a pretty regular basis. . . it's so rewarding!

Dr. Benjamin Parr Rayhorn - Ben-Ben has been big in to playing Doctor lately, and he always calls himself, "Dr. Benjamin Parr Rayhorn."  Adorable!  Speaking of Doctors, he had his Three year old Well Check about a month ago.  He's healthy, and he's BIG.  He was in the 80-85% for height and weight.  Little Ben-Ben was so adorable during the appointment and was so chatty with everyone.  At one point he asked his Doctor, "Excuse me, Doctor Odic (*Godec), do I need to get shots today?"  She said yes, and Ben responded, "Oh, okay, I'm really pretty brave when I get shots.  Maybe I can have a sticker after when I am so brave."  He didn't even cry!  What a cutie.  He gave the nurses fives AND hugs.  They LOVED him there.  :)

Many times when I have been talking with Benjamin lately, I'll have to remind myself that he is just three years old.  This conversation happened a few months ago when he was still two, and it still cracks us up.  Ben-Ben has been referring to Lake Superior as a river lately, because he had just learned about rivers during a Diego movie.  We were driving by the lake, and Ben-Ben said, "Hey look, there's the river."  As I began to respond, "Well, Ben..."  He cut me off and said, "I know you think it's Lake Supeerr, mama.  But, maybe it's a river."  As if, who can really know for sure?  Let's just agree to disagree, shall we?  haha!

Ben-Ben's good friend is moving in a month or so.  It makes me sad every time I think about it...especially since I'm friends with his momma too.  :(  Good friends are priceless, and these two loved playing together, clicked right away, and were such sweeties together.  But, such is life.  We will miss them!

Okay, one last funny story about my little man.  The other day, we put a pair of shorts on Ben mainly because he asked us to (not because it's been warm enough for shorts yet).  Well, Ben-Ben likes stability, constancy, and has a hard time with change.  Even when it comes to his clothing, apparently!  He kept feeling his legs, as if it was the weirdest thing ever to have them all. . . exposed!  hehe.  After about 10 minutes he wanted them off, and wanted a pair of pants on.  Instead of just saying that he didn't like how they felt, he said they were too "girl-ish."  Which is something he's never been overly concerned about before (since he loves all things girly! :).  What a funny reason!  They were basketball type shorts. . . so not girly at all. . . Ben-Ben just didn't like the material, or the fact that it only covered half of his legs.  Funny, funny boy. 

Caleb J. - Cabers had an awesome Physical Therapy appointment about a month ago.  It was so informative, and explained everything related to his chronic lung disease so well, and everything just made so much sense.  (It was fun watching her assess him by playing with different toys, etc.  I could totally see Ethan specializing in pediatrics physical therapy.  He'd be so awesome with the kids!)  So Caleb doesn't need regular physical therapy appointments, they just wanted to have him checked since he was slightly premature and had such a long stay in the NICU.  Caleb looked pretty good, but they base his progress off of his due date, not his actual birth date.  Interesting.  So, he's five months right now, but should be expected to be doing things that a four month old is doing.  That's good to know. 

Baby Caleb has had the typical baby hand obsession lately.  Always looking at them, sucking on them, or trying to get my hands to do the same.  So cute.  He laughed for the first time last week - a few different times - but for the life of me, I can not get him to do it again.  (Ethan is pretty sad about that.)  We'll keep trying.  :) 

I love when Caleb gets all wiggly and kicky when he is happy or excited.  It makes me feel so loved.  That, and the fact that he is such a smiley little guy!  I can make him smile so easily - love it!  Also, he's starting to get a little nervous around people he doesn't know well, or hasn't seen in a while.  When he does, he always tries to look around the room to find me.  Ah, melts my heart.  This is seriously my favorite baby stage.  Cabsie Pie is interactive, adorable, chubby, interested in life, awake more, but at the same time he still sleeps a lot, and can't really move anywhere. . . so there's no stress in baby proofing yet.  He stays right where you put him.  hehe.  Oh, and we're about ready to start baby food with him too.  Let the fun begin! 

I've been calling little Cabers my little Koala lately.  I recently saw a show that had different Australian animals on it, including Koalas.  It totally reminded me of little Caleb.  Whenever he can, he will hold on to you or your clothing, and it just reminds me of a little Koala, all wraped around him momma.  So precious.  I. Love. It. 

Lover Boy - Ethan's new placement in Alpena is going well.  He LOVES the clinic he is working at, and the people he is working with.  Too bad I have no interest in living in Alpena, because it sounds like they're always looking for new PT's.  We'll see.  More on that later. hehe.  I am so happy that Ethan is in a career that he is passionate about, does well in, and that he finds so interesting . . . oh, and that has a pretty nice starting salary, is in demand, etc.  :)

Ethan is also preparing to do the Copperman Triathlon again this August.  Since he can only come home on the weekends during this placement, he's had lots of time during the week to work out and train for it (among other productive things when he's done with work, like submitting resumes on-line :).  Speaking of the weekends, they go by way too quickly.  Ethan gets home about 9:30pm on Friday, and leaves after the kids go to bed around 8pm on Sunday.  So, like always, we are just very anxious for the end of May when we can all be together again full time, just like families are meant to be!  :)

Moi - Well, I think I've written enough about myself lately. . . my feelings, my dreams and hopes for the future, my sweetie kiddies, my amazing hubbers, my experiences becoming a momma of three, and the list could go on and on.  So, I will just say - Have a beautiful week, and a happy, joyful Easter!  

Benjamin Bear Turns THREE! . . .

ME:  Ben-Ben, I think I'm gonna cry.

BEN:  But, but, but why, momma?

ME: Because I don't want you to be three. I want you to stay my two year old boy forever.  And  it makes me feel a little sad.

BEN:  No.  Don't cry momma.  Because, because I'm just your three year old boy now. 

Blowing out the candles on his pancakes at Ben-Ben's family birthday breakfast at Chuck and Melissa's.  Yum!

Anna helping her little brother open his presents; Caleb J. resting up with Uncle Joe. . . or Uncle Joe resting up with Caleb J. hehe.  What a fatty!  (Not Joe. . . Caleb. :); Three of the cousins munching on the breakfast deliciousness.

More present opening.  Almost everyone was in pj's for Benjamin's birthday breakfast, and my two sweeties wanted to wear their adorable robes too.  (Ben's is courtesy of Grampa Chuck, who brought it back from his trip to Turkey; Anna's is courtesy of Gramma Susan...because she had an obsession with having a "fancy" robe like Fancy Nancy...colorful polka dots, heart shaped pockets. . . you can't get much fancier than that!  :) 

Anna checking out some of Benjamin's presents;  Ethan and Ben-Ben trying out one of the biggest hits...a new rocket! Fun, fun. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN!

Okay, so I'm sure you've noticed by the pictures that Ben-Ben's birthday party was at Burger King.  Not that I think there's anything wrong with that . . . BUT I typically l-o-v-e planning and organizing my babies parties, and having themes.  Like my favorite party ever, HERE, or this fun one, HERE (you have to scroll down), or this super fancy one, HERE, or this adorable but easy one, HERE.  Okay, I'll stop.  You get the idea.  Well, as you've all read in much detail, it's been a pretty crazy-busy ohhhhh . . . five months or so.  SO, when we were at Burger King over a month ago (to get Anna and Ben some exercise during the long winter),  we happened to see a little girl having a party there.  Benjamin said, "Can I have my birthday at Burger King too, mama, with presents and cupcakes and how 'bout balloons?"  And I thought to myself, "Oh my gosh, that is so PERFECT for this year!"  Easy, simple, fun, with almost no set up or clean up.  I decided to even stick with the theme of "easy" or "Burger King," whatever you want to call it, hehe, and got store bought cupcakes.  Ahhh, that's one of the best ideas little Benjamin has ever had.  hehe.  (And did you know they discount kids meals if you're there for a birthday?  Nice added bonus.)  And you know, the most important part - Benjamin had a blast...and all the kids had fun playing, eating, playing some more.  Perfect.  

(But, maybe I do feel a little guilty about doing his party at Burger King, because I've already mentally planned out Ben's next birthday, and Anna's next two. hehe.  :)        

     

Playing around and eating some lunch.  Anna, of course, wanted to wear a fancy dress to the party, but we compromised with this cute, but casual one she has.  Little girls! :)   

Cupcake time!  And yeah, Ben-Ben sang along to the birthday song too.  He was so happy at his party!  It was perfect.  :)   

Blowing out candles and opening presents!

                                                                             "Look mama, I got a magnifying glass!  Do you see me?!"

More presents!  (And he STILL had another present to open from Gramma Susie and Grampa Dewey later that night, complete with ice cream and candles again. . . kids - they've got it made. . . maybe a little too much. :)  Oh, and I love that Benjamin decided to catch some party favors - blowers and bubbles - in his net since he couldn't find any bugs.  ha. 

A few things I LOVE about my birthday boy:  Benjamin is so full of life!  He is such a handsome, adorable little guy. . . especially when his dimple dimples. :)  He is quite the smartie.  Seriously, just talk to him...you'll see.  hehe.  (Or do puzzles with him, or watch him "write" and draw pictures and explain them to you, or listen to all the things he's memorized on his own, or "read" books with him, or . . . well, you get the idea. :)  Ben-Ben is my little snuggle bug.  During the day, he will often come up to me for hugs, to rub his head on me, for holding, or just to say, "I wanna snuggle you mama."  (However, he is only affectionate on his own terms. . . it's not something you can force with him. . . like most two/three year old I've met. :)  He is so clever and funny.  He loves to be silly.  He loves order, and loves to remind Anna and Rorie (his cousin) of the "rules", even though he isn't always perfect at following them himself.  Benjamin often shows genuine concern and love for his little brother and big sister.  He loves the outdoors and exploring.  Ben-Ben is a good friend.  He loves his family, and loves living near part of his big, extended family.  So often lately, Ben-Ben will randomly say to someone, "I love you, ____." and he just sounds so sincere.  (I always wonder what he is thinking about that randomly prompts him to say that to his mommy, or daddy, or grandparents, or siblings, or Aunties, or Uncles, or friends.  It is sweetness!)  Ben-Ben loves imaginative play and dress up.  So entertaining to watch.  This boy loves to eat!  Always.  And he eats a healthy, flavorful variety of foods...but of course loves a good treat too - especially Jilbert's Dairy.  :)  Some of the sweetest prayers come out of Benjamin's little mouth, and it just makes me smile.  He loves to sing.  He loves to dance, just like his daddy :).  He loves to play with balls and dinosaurs. . . or with anything his big sister has or loves.  (Which is also why his favorite color right now is pink.  hehe.)  I LOVE MY LITTLE BENJAMIN BEAR!  We are so blessed he was sent to our family.  Now, stop growing up so fast, little mister!           

Turns Out, Everything Is Going To Be Okay . . .

Hello, hello.  I mainly want to write about what's been floating around in my head lately, but I thought I'd start with something a little more entertaining.  So first, fun at the Circus.  Well, it was a little not so fun too.  Ben-Ben didn't like it much, but since we were lured there a whole HOUR early, I don't blame him.  And yes, I said lured.  The start time said 5pm, and we showed up at 4:40 for good seats.  But then when you got there, you found out it didn't actually start until 5:30pm.  So you and your young children could sit there and be shown lots of fun, colorful, yummy, cool things that all cost lots and lots of additional money.  Yep, this was my first experience taking my kids to the Circus, and possibly my last.  But, it was a learning experience. hehe.  Plus, Anna L-O-V-E-D it, and I laughed out loud a few different times (kinda at the lameness of it all :), so it wasn't a total waste.  And it was fun that we were there with cousin Rorie and Auntie May-May.    

Anna and Rorie, so excited for it to start.

One of Anna's favorite acts.  Anna rocking out to the music. 

Group hug for the cousins.  Mommy and Anna Bell.

Benjamin running around before things got started.

Now, on to the main part of this journal entry:  I feel like I am appreciating the revitalizing possibilities of Spring so much more than normal this year.  Because I live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, every winter is about five months of grey, cold, snow, ice, etc.  (I don't mind cold, wintery weather until February and March...so just two months worth.  But sometimes it feels like a long two months. :)  Every time spring comes - longer days, more sun, slightly warmer weather, most of the snow melted, around Aprilish - I feel a sense of accomplishment.  I conquered something impressive. Just for making it through another winter. :)  It's probably a typical sentiment for most people.  Maybe.  I think it's what Spring is supposed to feel like- rebirth, hopeful, sunny, happy, possibilities, change.

This year, it's meant SO MUCH MORE than just making it through another winter.  This past winter could possibly go down as one of the most challenging times of my life thus far.  Possibly.  It has been a blur of hospital bed rest starting the beginning of November, traumatic and complicated delivery, six weeks of NICU stay for baby Caleb J., bringing home a new baby with all the adjustment (and bit o' stress) that typically goes along with that, sleep deprivation (because I count anything less than 8-9 solid, uninterrupted hours of sleep as being deprived :), Ethan being gone so much, hundreds of Doctor appointments (okay, not hundreds...but seriously, A LOT), medications... some with very difficult side affects, staying home All. The. Time., Thyroid issues for me (that are now resolved!) with more doctor appointments, needy new baby, bored older kiddies, STRESS AND WORRY trying to keep Caleb J. from catching all the junk that goes around this time of year, taking care of all the sickies when they did catch something in March, staying home All. The. Time.  Oh, did I mention that one already?  Yep. 

I recently alluded to all of this in a recent post, but want to describe it in more detail.  You know me, lots of words, lots of writing, lots of journaling.  :)  So, despite all of the craziness of the past five-ish months, I have felt peace and comfort too.  Even while going through all the busy-ness and exhaustion and stress, I still knew everything would be okay. . . I was just wrapped up in the "doing" of it all.  I have felt the love of Heavenly Father and know that He is aware of me, and He is aware of the things that are challenging for me.  I know there are things I am supposed to learn from all of this, and I'm trying to remember the importance of that.  So yes, that time period was overwhelming, but doable.  In that, I did what I had to do.  Not perfectly, mind you, but I tried. . . even when I felt like I couldn't.  It was humbling, in a good kind of way.  I also recently wrote that I was starting to feel like enough time had passed that I could look back and think, "Wow, that was CRAZY.  But things are getting back to normal."  (The "new normal" that is, being the mommy of THREE little bambinos.)  And I've felt like this for about a month.  It's a good feeling.  It perfectly coincides with Spring and all the lovely adjectives I already listed above.  :)  I feel hopeful.  I feel like I - we - went through some grey, bitter days this past winter.  I feel like we made it through, and we accomplished something great.  And everything is going to be okay.  Sunny. Happy. Hopeful.  

So, the other thing that's been on my mind: I feel like I have been in "survival mode" this past winter.  Or at the very least, "Just do the bare minimum mode."  There are so many things that are typically very important to me, that I have either stopped doing, stopped caring about, or did the total opposite.  Anna and Benjamin watched more movies than normal this winter (but nothing too extreme...I still had limits), I rarely cooked meals for the fam (something I LOVED to do before all this started) and the kids ate a lot more junk - 'cause it was easy...but I still had limits, we skipped a lot of stuff we normally like to go to and do (mostly it was just too overwhelming trying to get it together to get out the door), just to name a few...very few.  I feel like I haven't been myself since I became pregnant this last time;  I always feel a little more withdrawn and a bit antisocial when I am preggers...it just extended through the rest of the winter this time.  And it's time to change that.  It is changing. 

I almost feel like some time has been wasted these past five months.  Wasted is such a strong word...it was more of a "blurry" feeling.  I didn't take advantage of certain things.  I slacked with Anna and Ben-Ben...but I tried.  I didn't put much effort into my friendships, and some of my "family-ships".   Sorry.  I was really doing the bare minimum, and I was really not feeling like myself.  And in case this sounds like depression or postpartum depression, it wasn't...I'm pretty sure.  (I've read enough to know I didn't "qualify"...I wasn't especially emotional, or feeling hopeless, or anything.  I was just in the zone of "doing".)  Yeah, I had ups and downs, but I was fine, good, and happy much of the time, and happy memories too.  Seriously, just check my blog records.  :)  Things were just a bit overwhelming, and I turn inward at times like that.  And I let a lot of the non essential things go.  SO, unless you were offering to make my life easier in any way during the past five months (or even before...like I already said, I'm not myself when I'm preggers either), OR just offering me some good ol' adult conversation and company (IF I was feeling up to it), CHANCES ARE, we haven't been in touch much lately.  Let's change that.  :)         

AND NOW, things are looking up.  Spring has sprung.  Life is good.  Everything is going to be okay, just like Ethan promised me it would.  (He made this promise to me when Caleb first came home at the end of December, and I was saying things like, "I can't do this.  Seriously I can't.  Without you...Alone. Three kids.  I had NO idea. Caleb needs SO MUCH.  You need to take a leave from your program, because I am so not capable of all of this...")  Ethan is so wise, and so level headed.  And he knows me oh so well.   When all the complications with Caleb first happened, Ethan was informed that he could put his clinicals on hold for a year. So tempting.  But, when I was feeling most overwhelmed - when Caleb first came home from the hospital - Ethan said I needed to wait three days before I decided to see how I feel.  And, we all know what my decision was. I thought I could probably handle it all.  I thought everything would probably be okay.  And though I still had my doubts, I also still had my mom.  :)  Because really, can I ever write a post like this without sending out my gratitude and love to her for all the help she's been to me while Ethan's been away?  NOPE.  And no matter how withdrawn or overwhelmed or whatever I am, I know I can still turn to my own sweet momma, and she will love me, and be there for me, and try to help in any way she can.  But, I'll write more about her later.  Just know; she's amazing.  :) 

So, I hope you are all feeling the revitalizing wonder of Springtime.  Do you see all the possibilities out there?  Do you feel the Love?  Do you recognize the joy and the blessings?  I hope so.  This year it was all so much more significant for me.  I am coming out of a long, hard winter, and coming in to a sunny, hopeful spring.  And I KNOW -  everything is going to be okay.  Good Day!           

***And before any of you think I forgot to journal about my precious, baby boy turning THREE...I'm just waiting for my laptop this weekend so I can put the pictures up. :)  ***          

A Brand Spankin' New Decade . . .

I've been wanting to write a little "reflection post" since my birthday in January.  I wanted to record what I loved about my 20's and what I'm excited for in my 30's.  (Again, mainly for journaling purposes.  I picture my kids reading this stuff and being interested in it someday...but I could be wrong. Very wrong.  hehe.  I guess another way to say it would be, "I don't expect you to be interested in this.  It's for me."  :)  So, it took me a few months to get around to it, but here we go. . . 

Highlights From My 20's:  *LOVED my college years at BYU-Idaho, good memories, new friends, interesting classes, fun/funny atmosphere, good experience.  *LOVED living in Indiana and working at Purdue University for a summer when I was 20, it helped me remember why I loved growing up there, and it was so good spending so much time with old friends.  *LOVED serving an 18 month mission for my church to Los Angeles, one of the best decisions I've ever made and one of the best experiences of my life, and it probably deserves it's own post later. :)  *LOVED getting back in touch with one of my closest friends after my mission, Ethan, and quickly realizing this was the person I was going to marry!  It was so fun, exciting, quick, lovey, perfect!  So many good memories from that time:  hours talking on the phone, sweet e-mails, planning super fun weekends together, going to the temple often, the BYU/BYU-Idaho scene, the wedding, the reception, etc. But that's all been written about in detail before, HERE and HERE.  :) *LOVED finding THE house, and moving in and making it our home.  So many good memories there.  It was perfect for us.  So sad when it was time to sell it four years later.  (And loved that we lived close to family again...especially since we were starting a family of our own.)  *LOVED being young, married and students at Northern Michigan University.  That was definitely not the "norm", but it made it more fun, I think.  Loved studying together, telling each other about our classes, and living the student lifestyle...and getting back in touch with old Marquette friends, and making new ones too.  *LOVED graduating from NMU with a Bachelor's in the Elementary Education program, with an English Major.  It felt so good to accomplish that.  And I was so proud of Ethan when he graduated the semester later with a Bachelor's in Sport's Science. *LOVED welcoming all three of my babies into the world, and just felt so blessed each time.  I love them more than words can tell.  Anna and "The Boys"...our family is complete. I also love that my baby growing days are over, and I can leave that behind in my 20's.  Have I already mentioned that I did not like being pregnant, and I'm so excited to never do that again?  The answer would be YES! :)  *LOVED that Ethan got accepted into a Doctor of Physical Therapy program...even though that meant we'd move away from our family (which we were a bit nervous about, but ended up being great), and do the apartment living thing for the first time.  It was fun, at first...then apartment living became not so exciting.  But, so many good memories from our time downstate.  It was awesome that everything fell into place with graduate school for Eth, and that he will be in a career that he loves!  *LOVED being home with my babies.  Although I love school, and learning, and would occasionally be jealous of Ethan doing a graduate program :), I was also so happy to be done, and loved staying home with my young kiddies, and being a stay-at-home-mommy.  Anna, Benjamin and Caleb fill my life with joy, laughter, and some craziness. *So, a fantastic decade. I know I just mentioned the "biggies," but there were so many other beautiful moments along the way.  I loved my 20's!   

Dreams For My 30's:  *Find a second house that is "The One" and that we hopefully love as much as our first.  Make it our home.  Continue to create beautiful memories with my sweet, little family there.  (I really, really miss being home owners.)  *Become a one car family...and not be a "minivan mom" anymore.  I tried it out, it wasn't as bad as I thought, but I think I'd prefer something else...like a KIA Sorento.  :)  Economically, environmentally, simplicity... being a one car family really appeals to us.  So, a KIA Sorento, which seats seven, and a few vintage scooters on the side.  hehe.  *I would LOVE to get a nice camera, and take a little photography class.  I love taking pictures, in case you couldn't tell, and would love to become better at it as a hobby type thing...as soon as we have the money for it.  :) *This coming fall, I want to start substitute teaching occasionally to "get my feet wet" again.   There are a lot of things I'm considering as far as a future job/career goes, including - but not limited to - being a reading specialist at an elementary school, a school librarian (my DREAM job), teaching piano lessons again, or starting my own business as an Organizing/Staging expert, or continuing on as a stay-at-home-mommy.  There are just so many factors to consider.  *Completing a Master's program - eventually - to make me more qualified in one of these areas would be awesome too.  I love being a student, and would love to complete a graduate program.  But, my babies are still young, so we'll see when this happens.  *After we get our piano out of "storage," I would love to begin to practice/play regularly.  Taking a few lessons would be awesome too.  I have missed having a piano in our home.  *I recently wrote about this, HERE, but I want to become more active.  I want to run a 5k this summer, for starters, and hopefully that will just be the beginning.  It's something Ethan and I want to focus on for our whole family too...take it to the next step, as we already try to find lots of fun, active things to do together.  (We're hoping to have Anna do a race for kids this summer too.)  *I want to pay off all of our student loans... even if that is unrealistic, I'd still love for that to happen this decade.  :)  And I realize it would take a lot of sacrifice on our part to make this happen. . . putting off some "fun" things we would like to do, but I think it'd be so worth it to us.  *Okay, these are just a few main things I've been thinking about lately.  I'd love for them all to happen, but we will see what time and money and situation allows.  And we'll see what else I think of to add to my list of hopes and dreams for this decade.  (Any suggestions? :)  Mainly, I want my family to continue to be my main priority, and continue to create happy, beautiful memories together.  I'm really looking forward to what unfolds in my 30's!              

 Since my last post didn't have any pictures, I had to include a few.  The top one is self explanatory - pure chubb and adorableness.  The next two are of the St. Patrick's Day feast we had the day after St. Patty's Day.  I took a picture of the corned beef and cabbage I made, mainly because me cooking right now just doesn't happen too often.  (We eat meals together, I just plan things that don't take much prep. or cooking. :)  It's just not a priority at the moment with my three little ones taking up so much of my time and energy, but this meal was thought out, prepared, and was delish.  The kids were especially excited about the cupcakes with green sprinkles they helped me make.  (I was trying to redeem myself from when we didn't make our traditional Valentine cupcakes. :)  Oooo, we also had some leprechauns visit the night before and caused some mischief...turned our milk green, hid our shoes, and dumped out toys in the kids room.  Hopefully next year the leprechauns will remember to leave some gold candies.  And hopefully next year they won't turn the milk green...'cause it really grossed everyone out.  hehe.  Anna and Ben-Ben couldn't stop talking about it.  So funny.  Good memories.
Have a beautiful week!       

Can You Believe It?! . . .

A journal entry with NO pictures.  That is just unheard of for me.  But, Ethan has started his second 10 week clinical placement, and will only be home on the weekends now.  Have I already mentioned we only have 10 weeks left until Ethan is with us FOREVER?!?!?!  Seriously, I don't know how military wives (or other situations) do it...it's just not for me.  If there is one thing this time has taught me, it's that I want to spend time with my best friend everyday, and I want the daddy of my babies to be a daily, active influence in their lives...yeah, this has been a long 7 months!  (And yeah, I already knew I felt that way... :)  But, only 10 more weeks!!!  Did I say that already?  hehe.  I have a feeling that not seeing Ethan on Thursdays during this clinical placement is going to make a big difference.  And not for the better.  Oh well.  I think some of us may go down and stay with him for a week here or there during this placement.  Yay!  Anyway, the point is, Ethan will usually need our laptop, which has all of our pictures on it.  So, "picture posts" will take some planning.

Fair warning:  this post is going to be pretty boring, and pretty long too . . . and I don't even have any pictures to spice it up.  Like always, since I also consider this my family journal, I am mainly recording this stuff for my own personal records.  As in, "Remember the first time Caleb got sick?"  Yeah, I want to remember the good and the bad.  :)

Okay, now on to an update de mis enfermitos.  (Translation - Of my little sick ones. :)  Well, actually, they aren't sick anymore!  I guess when I wrote last Anna was already over it...quick and easy with her.  Benjamin was pretty much over it by that post too... pretty quick and easy as well;  he just happened to develop an ear infection with his - his first one ever, boo - that needed 7 days of antibiotics.  Which really meant 7 days of crazy diarrhea!  Too much information!?  Sorry.  :)  I mean, I've never seen a "possible" side effect of medication be so ridiculously true!  Anyway, so two for three, done.

Then we have baby Caleb.  Well, he is better now too!  It was relatively quick with him as well.  There was just a lot of concern of the unknown:  "if/when he gets sick...?" because of his preexisting lung condition.  We just didn't know what to expect.  Caleb's occasional cough that started Thursday afternoon-ish, became a little more frequent Friday, and then Saturday.  Saturday afternoon/Sunday is when the other cold like symptoms started (runny nose, sneezing, more coughing), along with some wheezing.  We were concerned with his oxygen levels since his lungs were not at 100% before this even started, so Ethan took him to the walk in clinic on Sunday afternoon.  They checked his O2 levels - which looked good, swabbed him for RSV - which was positive, took an x-ray of his lungs - which showed some pneumonia (which can happen easier with him), gave him an antibiotic for the pneumonia, and sent him on his way.  Like I mentioned in the other post, he also had some increase in his breathing treatments - albuterol, and had a five day steroid course to help his lungs - prednisone.  Monday was about as bad as Sunday, but by Tuesday we were seeing improvements.  And a few days later, he was back to normal.  The whole things lasted a week...and he didn't need to be hospitalized!  Yay!  Caleb also slept well, ate well, and was pretty content the whole time, even on his two worst days.  Good job, little buddy.  (And his "diarrhea side effect" wasn't even as bad as it was for Ben-Ben.)  *Because of his lung condition, Caleb is considered a "high risk" baby for the first two-ish years of his life, so he gets a monthly shot, synagis, during RSV season.  The doctors were pleased to see that it did it's job well.*

So, I feel like a little explanation is necessary, because honestly, I'd never even heard of RSV - Respiratory Syncytial Virus - before I had Caleb.  (And when I've mentioned it to other people since having Caleb, the typical response from everyone is, "What's that?")  With most healthy kids, you couldn't tell RSV from normal cold symptoms.  And since almost all kids have it before they're two, I'm sure this must have been the case for Anna and Benjamin, hence me never hearing of it before.  I would have never known they had RSV this time either, because it just seemed like a normal cold with them.  However, it was important for the doctors to know exactly what it was when Caleb got sick because of his lung stuff. I won't go into too much more detail, but if you feel the need, you can read about additional RSV facts on the website for the Centers for Disease Control, HERE.  I'm sure you're all super interested.  hehe. 

I'm just sayin', I'd never even heard of it before last November, and then it became a big part of my life...mainly in the form of:  "We must keep Caleb from catching that!"  :)  And now we can all see that I failed.  (If only I could have been as diligent as my friend, Ann Cherry.  Are you reading this Ann?  Seriously, I thought that when Caleb got sick.  :)  The funny thing is, whenever any of the NICU doctors, other doctors, nurses, etc. brought it up before, it was always in the way of:  "You must keep your baby from getting this!!!!"  AND THEN, when Caleb actually caught it, I of course felt super guilty, and wondered if there was anything I could have tried/done better.  BUT THEN his doctors - including the Pulmonary Pediatric Specialists in Ann Arbor, said, "Well, of course he would most likely catch this, but you did an excellent job of trying to prevent it.  And it looks like he is handling it well."  Of course he was going to catch this?!?!  SERIOUSLY?!?!  Did they not know how much anxiety I'd been feeling since bringing him home from the NICU about this very thing?  It seems like they should have mentioned that before, like, "You should do all what you can to prevent this, but he's probably going to catch it anyway, so don't beat yourself up over it."  I'm still strictly following all of Caleb's care instructions; I just feel like it would have saved me a lot of worry before, and now I feel like a weight has been lifted...the weight of the unknown. 

I had considered taking Anna out of kindergarten because having school age children increases the likelihood of anyone catching RSV.  Maybe I should have, because she was the first to get it.  We never take Caleb anywhere, besides a few relatives homes, per doctor's orders.  No stores, no church, no restaurants, no play groups, etc.  We are religious about hand washing and hand sanitizing.  We try to change our clothes and the kids clothes, if we feel like we have been somewhere especially germy.  When I saw that Anna and Ben-Ben were getting colds, I kept Caleb secluded in my bedroom.  When I was taking care of Benjamin, I would wash/sanitize thoroughly and change my shirt before taking care of Caleb.  Yeah, it got a little hectic, as Ben-Ben was pretty needy for a day or two.  But, it just wasn't enough.  My mom, who was right in all of this with me, even offered to take Caleb with her while she babysat for Hudson (my brother's baby), in hopes of keeping him secluded even more.  And as we all know, even our best attempts failed.  My mom or I must have carried some of those sicky germs into the bedroom, or over to Hudson's house, or onto a blanket we touched, or whatever, and Caleb caught the virus we'd been so focused on preventing.  Hudson also got sick, and had a pretty bad case of RSV.  It was so sad, and we just felt awful for him too.  All of our hard work to separate the babies and prevent "cross contamination"...wasted.  :(  Maybe next time someone in the house is sick, Caleb and I will just go stay elsewhere until it passes.  Seriously.  :) 

I keep feeling like maybe I jinxed myself a few posts ago when I talked about how we haven't been sick in forever.  Seriously, it seems like right before Anna got sick, I was thinking, "Man, there's been so much crap going around this season...everyone's been SO SICK.  We've been so lucky that Anna and Ben-Ben only had a cold or two last fall, and that's it.  We've been healthy for months!"  Yeah, totally jinxed myself.  :)  I think we typically have pretty healthy kiddos, but I've just been focused on it more so this year with Caleb's lung issues.  I'm not typically a "germ-aphobe," and realize that kids getting sick is a natural part of childhood.  I've also been thinking a lot about the whole "Caleb Experience" since he caught his first cold last week.  Obviously all of his complications are not something I ever expected to happen.  From the beginning, yes it was surprising, but for whatever reason (which I chalk up to a Priesthood blessing, and answers to prayer, and the comfort of the Holy Spirit), I've felt "at peace" with all of it.  I almost felt like the six week NICU experience should have been more of an emotional/hard thing for me than it was.  And the hardest part for me was when Caleb came home, but I still felt an overall peaceful feeling about everything.  When Caleb came home, there was not only the typical stress of getting used to a new babies schedule, but the anxiety of trying to keep him healthy and germ free.  Him getting sick last week was an answer to all of my, "What if he does get sick?" worrying.  And it was sad, and another "hit" to his lungs... something we still want to try hard to prevent.  (The other "hits" were his premature lungs, developing aspiration pneumonia from inhaling fluids during the c-section, being on the vent for two weeks.)  But at the same time, it wasn't so bad.  Not to minimize anything, but I was expecting so much worse. 

I think it all just comes down to perspective.  I feel like I've been blessed through all of this to keep a positive perspective about Caleb.  (Ethan is really, really great at reminding me to do this. :)  There are so many worse things to experience, or see our children experience (and I'm not just talking about illnesses here).  And there are so many more serious diseases out there.  Caleb has chronic lung disease, which sounds awful, and makes the first few years of his life a little more challenging, but at the same time, it's something he will most likely grow out of.  It could be so worse!  I mean, I'll take extra doctor appointments, breathing treatments, and even a NICU stay for something Caleb will probably grow out of in a couple years over so many other things.  (Not to imply that I think we're in the clear as far as challenges go...who knows what we still have to face in our lives.  I'm just trying to keep a positive perspective about this one particular thing.  :)  I don't really feel like I'm conveying my true thoughts, but I guess the main point is, I'm at peace with everything.  Things have been hard.  There have been ups and downs.  There has been stress and worry.  But there has also been peace and comfort.  When I look at Caleb, I rarely think of all the lung drama, and I mostly think things like, "I'm so lucky to have such a smiley, beautiful baby."  Or, "I love that Caleb is such a little plumper like his brother and sister were."  hehe.  Or, "I'm so glad that some day, relatively soon, all of this will be a distant memory."  Because I already think it's starting to feel like that.  And I'm grateful. 

*Oh, and a little summary of Caleb's trip to the Pediatric Pulmonary Specialists (paraphrasing):  "Best case scenario (which is very likely), he "grows out" of all of this within his first few years, and a possible worst case scenario is his lung issues will develop into asthma."  So say the authorities on babies with lung issues.  Sounds good to me!   It's exactly what we've heard all along, but it felt comforting hearing it from the specialists.  They also want him to have a swallow study done, because he has eating issues.  They want to see Caleb at least a few more times mainly to monitor the physical symptoms of his chronic lung disease - retraction breathing, wheezing, grunting, etc., and to take current x-rays compared to older ones to monitor progress.  So yeah, nothing really ground breaking, but still a good appointment for peace of mind, and getting a few more tips for our babers.  And speaking of perspective, the doctors helped put Caleb's individual illness, Chronic Lung Disease, in perspective by mentioning that they often see kids who spent months on a vent, that need oxygen assistance for years including every time they get sick, kids that just have it so much worse.  It was good to hear, and helped ease our worries, and again reminded us that it's all about perspective. It didn't come across as uncaring, or unconcerned with Caleb's individual issues, but as a way to say, "Really, he's going to be okay."  So now our next appointment is at the end of June, and they'll probably want to see him a few more times after that.  Oh, and did I mention that Cabers was a perfect little traveler?  He slept tons, and was pretty content when he was awake.  He did seem to get overwhelmed a few times, but it only lasted a couple minutes.  We think it's because he hardly ever goes anywhere, it was like a sensory overload for him.  Oh, and thanks to my Aunt Cindy for letting us stay at her house on the way down.  It was fun introducing the baby to her and Uncle Joe, since Caleb is still kept pretty under wraps.  (If only our hotel in Ann Arbor was as nice, and beautiful, and clean as the room they had for us...but that's a whole other story. :)

Okay, for real now.  I'm done.  If you read all that, I commend you.  Seriously.  Impressive.

Longest. Week. Ever. . .

 This week has been filled with the needs of three sick babies.  And, man, I am exhausted.  Too bad this next week might be more of the same.  Bleh.  (At least Ethan will be here to help out on his week off!)  Anna got a cold/bug last weekend, but then got over it pretty quickly, within a couple days.  Benjamin then got the same thing, which turned into bronchitis and a pretty bad ear infection (his first one), and lasted a bit longer.  Then baby Caleb caught it, despite our best efforts to keep him separated, which ended up being a bad case of RSV AND pneumonia, which is NOT good for his compromised lungs.  So. Incredibly. Sad. 

It's everything the doctors said would happen if Caleb got sick...and this is even a tamer version because of a monthly shot he gets.  Although, it's been pretty bad.       

So, this week has been a blur of doctor appointments, needy/sad kids, medication, breathing treatments (every three hours now), diarrhea/throw up (from the bug, and side effects of antibiotics), 'roid rage (Caleb is back on steroids for a week...helps his lungs), lots of Kleenex, lots of laundry, and...well, you get the idea.  

I know it's what you sign up for when you decide to become a mother, but sometimes it's still just hard.  (And it's been hard even WITH the help of my sweetest mamacita!)  So yeah, I think Caleb was meant to be a first born because when he gets sick, he is SO TIME CONSUMING.

  BUT, nothing lasts forever, so let's just keep things in perspective.  Anna and Ben-Ben just have lingering coughs now, and Benjamin needs to finish his antibiotics.  Then we have Caleb to focus on...who will require a lot more:  steroids, antiobiotics, breathing treatments, nasal drops, comforting, etc. 

SO, looking at the positive, here are a few pictures of each of my three babers, having fun and looking adorable.  (Taken before anyone got sick.)  Enjoy!       

Anna, Rorie, Meghan and I had a fun girls date a couple weeks ago.  The main purpose was to find matching Easter dresses for the cousins.  (Meg and fam are moving to San Diego this June, so it's one of the last times we can do matchy-matchy for these two cuties.)  The first picture shows Anna all ready and excited for her date (and of course she wanted to look fancy...so we compromised with a skirt.)  The middle pic on the bottom is hilarious - showing the dresses the girls wanted to get for Easter.  Um. Nope.  The other is the dress we convinced them to get.  They will look beautiful.  (Added bonus, it was a great deal/sale!)  And not to completely spoil the surprise of the Easter attire, but I have something pretty handsome planned for the boys too...and it involves pink.  hehe.  After we found THE dress, we did a little more shopping, and the girls had a blast.  Seriously, they were so funny chatting away in the back of Meg's car, like two little best friends.  And the evening was topped off with a stop at Apple Bee's, with the best waitress ever...Auntie Ashley!  (See last picture.)  *There was only one mishap the whole evening, when Rorie was almost lost forever at Kohl's during an innocent game of hide-and-seek, but luckily she was found.*     



When Benjamin heard us planning our girls date, he was pretty hurt.  He decided he needed a date of his own, and with boys only.  (Since Caleb couldn't participate, it was just Ben-Ben and Daddy.)  Ethan tried to convince him to call it a Daddy/Son OUTING, but Benjamin was pretty stuck on the word "date."  Unfortunately, they didn't have a camera with them, but they did have fun, and these are a few pics of them snuggling before and deciding what to do with their Man Time.  Jilbert's Dairy was involved (Ben-Ben had just filled up another chart, and that is the ONLY reward he wants to choose).  He has recently been informed exactly how that chocolate milk and ice cream came to be, and it just fascinates him.  AND he likes to compare it to me, and the "pumping" I did for Caleb.  Yeah, it's a little awkward being compared to a cow pumping milk, but it helps Ben-Ben understand it all a little better.  Anyway, I think Eth and Benj walked around the mall for a bit and then got some McDonald's.  One-on-one time, no matter what you actually do, is always so fun and special for the kids.  And Ethan and I love it too.  So glad my boys had fun!     



Caleb loves to be snuggled and held.  But sometimes he also likes to be put down like a big boy, and take in the world on his own.  The first picture is him, alone, in our king size bed just enjoying the comfyness.  The next two show him hanging out at Gra Melissa and Grampa Chuck's house, propped up in a chair, luring Aunties over to him with his irresistible cheeks and plumpness.  The pic of Cabes with his tongue sticking out is just a classic look for him.  Hopefully it will go away when he's older, but for now, adorable.  :)  The last picture is Daddy/Baby shower time!  It's one of Ethan's favorite things to do with his babies, and he's done it with all three.  I am always too nervous to try it...something about slippery, soapy babies...but they love it.  (Caleb likes it when I give him baths in his baby tub too, but it's nice he gets to experience both.)  Oh, and don't you just LOVE that smiley little face in the first picture?!  Caleb J. smiles so easily...sweetness.

A Couple Other Pieces of Happiness...Or Randomness:

1)  All my hair is falling out.  I know, not so happy.  It's happened a few months after I had each of my babies.  But, my hair's pretty thick, so it doesn't make much difference.  Anyway, I am happy because this is the last time it will happen.  Yay!  Yeah, I'm still excited to never again be pregnant, and do all the body changing things.  Is that wrong?  :)  *Yes, I love my three babies...I just do NOT like the pregnancy part.* 

2)  Caleb, Ethan, and I are going downstate tomorrow because Cabers has an appointment with the Pediatric Pulmonary Specialists at University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor.  It's exciting to get away for a few days (I haven't left Marquette since we moved here last August!).  And, even though it's almost like a little get-away for Ethan and I, we will have a needy little baby with us.  Still, it will be so good to get more information, and hopefully answers to Caleb's lung issues. I'll let you know what we find out!   

3)  Okay one last thing.  A funny exchange between Me (30 :), Anna (5), & Benjamin (2) a few weeks ago:

Anna:  Mom, I need to go to the Eye Doctor because my eyes are seeing two.

Me:  I think your eyes are okay sweetie (they were), but maybe that's a good idea.

Ben:  Um, Mama, Mama?!  I need to go to the eye doctor becausthe I have eyesth.

Anna:  Ben, you don't go to the eye doctor because you have eyes.  Everyone has eyes!

Ben:  Yeah I do!

Anna:  No, Ben!  The eye doctor is just for people who have hurt eyes.

Ben:  (Poking himself in the eye) Mama!!  I need to go to the eye doctor becausthe I hurt my eye!

Anna:  Ben-Ben!  You can't hurt your own eyes!  That's not fair!  Mama!  Ben can't go to the eye doctor!

Ben: Yeah I can!  I have eyesth too!  

Anna:  NO!  Everyone has eyes! (She was getting pretty frustrated with her little brother...they just don't understand sometimes.)  

Me:  (Finally deciding their heated - but funny - discussion needed to end)  You can both have your eyes checked at the eye doctor, even if your eyes don't hurt. (Someday. :)